Meditation Thoughts

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When I'm thinking not thinking, I'm trying not to obsess on my thoughts. But this gives room for other thoughts. I call these thoughts meditation thoughts, akin to the shower thoughts on reddit. Of course, the problem with meditation thoughts is that I often start to obsess on them.

I used to write cryptic notes about my meditation thoughts in the notebook where I keep a record of the time I spend meditating. Then I had a meditation thought to put them here.

November 2016

5th: In thinking not thinking, I tend to try to let go of my thoughts. To get the thoughts out of my head. When doing detachment meditation, I do the opposite: I try to remove my self from the thought. To get my self out of my head. Today I realized there's a third option: get the attachment out of my head. This then lead to the thought that I could just realize there is no difference between the thought, my self, and the attachment.

9th: Is arousal an emotion? Certainly, emotions can go along with arousal: lust, love, greed, and so on. But can you experience arousal without experiencing an emotion?

19th: There is a voice in my head that wants to be depressed and tries to be depressed. It sees the cloud in every silver lining. But this voice in my head is not me. The depression in my head is not me. Just because these things are going on in my head does not mean they are me. Also, accepting something you don't like is one thing. But when you start trying to accept the things that you do like the same way you accept the things you don't like, that is when you start to understand how you should be accepting the things you don't like.

27th: Practicing the ideal of acceptance is easier when staring at a wall than when walking down the street. However, even when it is hard, just recognizing when we don't want to accept things is a step forward. The same goes for when we want to accept things too much. Oddly enough, I sometimes accept things too much because I don't want to accept things. Perhaps this is an over reaction to not being accepted in the past.

December 2016

6th: When practicing tranquillity meditation, thinking not-thinking is necessary. The thoughts we create inevitably contain emotion, even if it is very subtle. The thoughts we perceive evoke emotion, but that can be detached.

19th: This division of meditation into four types is false. I am trying to divide and categorize the experience in order to understand it, rather than just experiencing it. It's one practice. I need to practice not-thinking by being aware so that I can accept the thoughts I perceive with detachment and tranquillity, and not feed them with the thoughts I think.

22nd: To build on my thought of November 5th, accepting the thought with equanimity is the way toward realizing that there is no difference between the thought, my self, and the attachment.

January 2017

14th: Consideration blocks thoughts, and prevents us from being truly open. An open mind does not argue or defend, it listens.